When You Are Tempted To Have An Affair {Proverbs 5}

when you are tempted to have an affair

In Proverbs 5 we are given a warning…it’s for our sons…but may we never think we are above falling.

Proverbs 5:3-8 says:

For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,
    and her speech is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
    sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
    her steps follow the path to Sheol;
she does not ponder the path of life;
    her ways wander, and she does not know it.

And now, O sons, listen to me,
    and do not depart from the words of my mouth.
Keep your way far from her,
    and do not go near the door of her house,

A counselor recently shared with me how many wives struggle with feeling like they are married to the wrong person. Perhaps your husband is less spiritual, outgoing, kind, or romantic than you’d like.  So you might imagine, God wants something different for you.

But we must remember our vows – “For Better or Worse.”  And sometimes worse happens.

But we also must remember God’s Word says “what God has joined together – let not man separate.” (Mark 10:9)

Once you are married – God wants you married to the person you are married to – that is His will.

It’s in those weak moments, when we are having negative thoughts and feelings towards our husband, that we are most vulnerable to temptation.

Giving into temptation can lead to an affair.

Here are 10 Things to Consider When You Are Tempted to Have an Affair

1.) Beware of old flames – if you poke at an ember, it’s going to ignite a fire.

2.)  Draw boundaries on social media.  These boundaries will look different for everyone.

I see some couples share Facebook accounts.  I think that’s a great idea! I choose to not have male friends on Facebook at all.

I remember when I first started facebook many many years ago.  I accepted everyone who requested a friendship for fear that they would know I declined them. I also accepted some friends because I was very curious to see what had happened in their lives in the last 15 years. So I had friendships with both men and women on Facebook…and there were some very awkward moments.

There were moments when men I never talk to at church would start commenting on my status – it felt weird but it’s Facebook and this is what people do, so I accepted it and moved on. It wasn’t until I began to hear of marriages being broken and destroyed by these “innocent” Facebook friendships that I began to question if I should be friends with guys on Facebook.

I chose to delete all my guy friends except family members for my own protection. Am I saying everyone should do this? No – this is going to look different for everyone. But what I am saying is – watch your social media – guard your marriage.

3.) Take note – do you dress to get male attention?  Is there a guy – perhaps a neighbor, at the gym, in your workplace, school or church who you think is attractive. Do you find yourself hoping to catch his eye?


Look at Proverbs 5 – keep your way FAR from Him!

4.) Never be alone with a guy you feel attracted to.

5.) Confess your temptation out loud to God.

6.) Tell someone about your temptation – someone who will be FOR your marriage.

7.) Do not be closer to another guy emotionally than you are to your own husband.  Emotional affairs usually start before physical affairs.

8.) Are you in an emotional affair right now?  Leave.  Change phone numbers, workout facilities, jobs, churches – whatever it takes to break off the emotional affair before it escalates.

“But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”
(James 1:14,15 ESV)

9.) Don’t assume your secret feelings will never be discovered.

Numbers 32:23 speaks of our sin being found out.  Often times, what we think is done in secret – no one will ever know.  But sin has a way of revealing itself.

10.) Remember, your sin is not just between you and this person.  Your sin has a ripple affect.  It will affect those around you – it hurts your husband, kids, friendships, and church and even the next generation.

As you read this list – has someone come to mind?  Someone you have fantasized about or you know you have impure thoughts about?

Go home.  Return to your first love.

“Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.”
Proverbs 5:15

Do not wander from God’s wisdom.

Walk with the King,


**Chime In**

What advice would you give a woman who is struggling with these feelings?

Does your marriage need prayer today?  Share in the comments and let our community pray for you.


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