Have you ever found yourself stalling or just felt like you were going in circles? I have recently realized that I felt that way. I felt that way about all areas of my life. I tried to adjust things myself. I started creating to do lists and things that I accomplished at work. I started hanging out and communicating with friends more. I still felt like I was sleep walking through my life. I then started vocalizing issues more. I am one that is a proactive forward looking person. I cannot function in situations where there is an examination of what went wrong, who’s to blame and why we are blaming. I believe in let’s examine what went wrong and how are we going to fix it going forward.
It was at that point that I had a huge realization. I feel like this is where I give you a back story. I love going to church. I was never given the choice not to go. I don’t want to say that I was drug but being the only girl and the youngest, wherever Mom and Dad went I went. So I learned that you should always be glad in going to church to serve the Lord. When I was young, my church had a youth bible study. I was excited because I got a Precious Moments bible. It was blue and I still have it.
Presently, the church that I am attending does not have the same Kingdom building attitude it did when I was younger. In my self-evaluations I came to the conclusion that I missed attending bible study. I still went to church on Sundays. I even attended Sunday school. I did my devotions, on line bible studies. But I was missing my midweek bible study. I normally called them my Jesus, I am in need of a refill situations. When this happened the year before, I had found a different church. I absolutely loved the environment and the pastor. I enjoyed his style of teaching. So when my church restarted the bible study. I had already finished the book of Isaiah and was more interested in studying 1 Peter.
Okay fast forwarding to now, Bible study was cancelled in November of last year. I struggled with the previous issue because I did not want to go through finding another church and get involved only to turn around and have to stop or worst be conflicted about my choice. So I prayed about it and a co-worker told me of her church. It has two locations. The amazing thing is they do a Tuesday night bible study and they also provided a dinner.
So when my church starts their bible study, I will not be convicted about continuing or stopping. I believe that sometimes the Lord will place you where you can most benefit!
I always want to make the goal about completing the study and not getting distracted! But I feel like I am already setting myself up for failure. So I took a different route! I decided on the following three
1. I want to learn how to better improve my community
2. I want to learn how to better myself in order to give more to my community
3. I want the Lord to be a guiding light for me!
So Let’s me start sharing!
I have always have a passion for studying anything. But there is something about digging deeper in to the Bible. I discovered Online Bible Studies (OBS) last year when my church cancelled our Wednesday Night Bible study due to the threat of Winter Weather. I have two that I love! One has started and then other starts in a couple of weeks! I need a way or outlet to ensure that I am doing these studies as I am supposed! So I am going to start posting my SOAPs here! I want to be made for God’s community!
How to begin this? Who would have thought that it would be this hard? There are times when it does not seem like you are gone. 4 years seems unrealistic. I know I was not the best daughter and sometimes I did things to get on your last nerve. But I appreciated everything that you ever did. I thank you for all that you taught me that took me a little longer to grasp and understand. I thank God for giving me you for the time that I was allowed. I can only hope that I am still making you proud! Happy Father’s day!
I have learned that it is hard to think effectively if there are a lot of other things going on. I used to be able to work though and be unphased. But some where down the line of my life, it changed.
If I am working on something, I can’t have side conversations happening. It is like there is a part of me that wants to go and close all the doors and place in headphones and zone out.
I tend to do that. I get so much done. But that is not productive in a work environment where you are the go to person. So are there days when I grin and bear it? Yes!
I have found that there are times when in my personal life I have a lot of clutter and things that make more noise then they need too. I try to have a small circle of people that I really deal with. I find it becoming smaller and smaller. I pray for the Lord not to seclude the wrong people but I can’t have emptiness and sadness over people and events. I know I will have to revisit this topic another time but I just know that it takes a lot for me to cut people and situations off.
That is why I do careful consideration before I do. Once I cut that switch off, it takes the grace of God (literally) to move for me to reconnect.
I often find myself in situations where I want to fix it and I did not break it. I have always thought myself to make things right. I do not like to see people who are hurting. Recently, I have found myself in situations where I cannot fix and make it better.
I have someone that are experiencing a tragedy in their lives. I am learning so much in this process. I am normally flying in like SuperWoman to save the day. But what I am learning is there is a time when things just need to be broke. When I am needed, they will reach out. I am learning to identify my feelings and emotions. But more about that later!
So I am realizing that I am becoming a different me! Every year we are supposed to grow and change. Become more mature, if you will. So this is going to be interesting. I can not promise to post everyday but I will try!
*sigh* One post down …. several more to go!